*6* Maybe somethings are better left untold

I opened the door and found Abdallah standing there.

I was confused because 1) wtf is wrong with his voice?!!

2) what does he want ?!
I stood there with a question mark on my face. I was confused/worried/scared at the same time.

"Ha Shouga.." he said as soon as i opened the door.

"Uhh..Hi"

"Shlounich 7abebty?" He said as he patted my head and kissed me on my cheeks

Abdallah was always sweet to me like this when he sees me. Well, when he's in a good mood ofcourse.. But what does he want mo ma38ola 6ag 3lay ilbab bas 3shan chithy, nah thats not 3abood kelish:/.. I was getting curious.

"Zaina il 7emdillah... i-inta sha5barik..ma tbayen.."

"Ad5al 3ady?" As he pushed the door a little further and made his way inside my room, without waiting for my answer.

"Okay:s?!"

"em, ee sure.." I said as I walked behind him

"So shga3d tsaween, homework?" he said walking towards my desk looking at my open books

"Yea..3endi maths wayid.. O bio test next week.."

"Aha aha.. Sheday 7ailech 7abebty o ehtamay ib derastiich.." he said with his arms behind his back, walking around my room, looking around. Chena awal mara ib 7ayat yd5al

"eehh..umm shfee 9outik y5ari3 9ayer"

"ha ee ta3ban shway bs.."
"etha taben asa3diich ib maths tara i'm good.. itha 3endich ay so2al or anything.." He said and he sat on the edge of my bed.

"Shakla m6awel daam ga3ad 3al fraash, okay madre whats next shakla akthar mn bs yes2al 3anny.."

"ee thank you..Ay ta3ban shway.. Ma 3eraftik 3abdllah 5ar3tni ga3d agol mno hatha:s 5o inta ma tbayn who would've guessed you would be behind my door one day hm? hehehe" I said and leaned on my desk opposite my bed, facing him.

"haha shd3waa..bas2al 3an e5ty il 9ghera ma y9ir?"

"imbala..akeid 3ady..."
"O tha3fan wayed.. you okay?"

"9j? affaa hatha bs 3shan cham youm ma ri7t il naadi 5ag jesmi shiftay shlouun:/ aaa5 lazim ared a9iir fit"

Adri inna ma chinna 3aysheen ib nafs ilbait, bs thats how it was..ma ashofa wela akalma wayed. O a5af akalma 3shan his anger management, mo sahil. O ta7tt 3yoona kela aswad, madrii shfeeh 9ayr shakla.. 3ad uhwa mamloo7 ya3ni wayed jameel :/ !!

It became quiet for a while.. He was looking around my room, while I was standing there rolling my eyes, woundering.. I'm not even used to talking to him. He's 8 years older than me and he has been in the states for 7 years o now he comes back with anger management problems, so yea I don't know him well, just that he's my brother. But even though I don't know him that well, I was sure that wasn't the 3abdallah I know from what I know;s, madre shesalfa

"inzain sim3ay shouga 3endiich floos?"

"floos?"

"eeh.. uboy nesa ya36eny ma9rof this week o ba6la3 weya rab3ii o ma3a6any floos uboy kela yaswy feny hal daga! ga7a6 w rab il ka3baa..."

"y-yimkin nesa, 7aram uboy 6ayib walla o.."

"my ass zaiin!! thats bullshit shoug o your old enough to know that.. Uboy a ya36ena shayy!! Ya9rif 3ala 3yal 3ammy 3shan ubohum sakraan 24/7 o he feels sorry for them.. Ma y3arf ygol la2.. O ana welda agola mi7taaj, yzeg feny walla il 3atheem!!"

"Uhh.. What am I supposed to say now :s?"
He looked really mad, His eyes were red, but not from crying obviously..He had his hands together between his legs, and he was moving his legs. He looked nervous too, and mad at the saem time.. It was scary I diddn't know how to react.. I was afraid to be quiet and he would blow and think I was very cold. And if i say anything I'm afraid it will do the same thing, it was scary. Enshallah he will get better soon o alla ra7 yshafee.
So I just decided to agree with him, even though I diddn't. I thought it's the safest thing to say.
I even forgot that I wanted to ask him what was wrong with his voice.

"Um, ee 9a7 kalamik you have a point.."

"Fe ubo yeb5al 3ala 3yala?! Ib 7ayati ma shift chithy kiss *** ....."

I stopped taking in anything he said after that word. WTH is he thinking sweraing at my dad in that way?!?! And infront of his younger sister?!?! La this time I can't shut up and agree!

"heeey 3abdaalllaaah shfeeeek!! Mahma kan hatha ubona o..."

"Sorry 7abebty, I lost it, mo qa9di aseb chithy jidamiich.. bs ena jad 8eharni uboy, mo awal mara isaweha feny.." he then cam and kissed my cheeks again and put his hand on my shoulders.

I understood ina guys isiboon chithy lema y3a9boon, so yea it slipped out of his tounge akeid. He probably doesn't even mean it.

"La 3ady.. Um 3inde floos 3abdallah kanat malat tuition bs i won't need it anymore 3shan umy ma gamat t5aleny aro7 anymore..." I said as I walked to my drawer to take my 10 out of my wallet and give it to him

I was hoping for him to ask me why, o shfeha umy m3ay, o talk to him about stuff, that maybe he would understand..

"Here.." I said and gave it to him

"7abebty wallah.. Bs hatha 3ndech?"

"Ee"

"Ma 3ndech shay b3ad? Wela shay Shouga?"

"La2 bs hatha.."

"Oh ok.." He said holding the 10 in his hands, looking kind of disappointed.

What did he expect?! 1000 ? Psshht. Meshkilta itha mo 3ajba, zain meny :/

"Khalas 3ayal..Mashkora.. O aredlich iyaha don't worry.. Bs l2ena msta3yel.. O uboy sawa feny nafs il daga mara thanya..Wela chan ma 6elabt i5ty il 9ghera.."


"Chan zain tshofny akther mn i5tek il 9ghera..chan zain tshofny as a friend o tkalimny 3an ashyaa.. A7eba wayid 7eta lo he loses it sometimes, bs akthar wa7id a7eba mn i5wany"

"La 3ady.. I doubt i'll need it anymore.. l2ena..."

Ma mdani a5ale9 what i was about to say.. He kissed my cheeks and left my room.

He left the door open and I can hear him walking towards the stairs. I just stood there staring at my door wich he left oped, holding my empty wallet in one hand and had a million questions running through my head.

1 New Text Message

My phone interrupted my thoughts. I still stood there even after I heard it. the only word in my head was " What-The-Hell-:s-?-! "

I shook my head eventualy and walked to my bed to find my phone under my pillow on charge.

Khaled: Hii soryy walla bs nimt o tawny ga3d :p .. Shga3d tsaween

Artaa7 akalma hel walad. A7s neyita 6ayba o mara7 i2atheny no matter what.

I sat on the edge of my bed and replied.

Me: la3adyy ana gemt gabelt shway.. Kent ga3d asawy my homework, then u5oy 3abod dash 3lay 9ayer 6ayiib m3ay o then he asked me for money..3a6aita my tuition money since I won't be using it anymore.. Bs it was weird, fe alf so2al ib baly al7en i'm soo confused ma t9awar shkithir:s.. khalod he wasn't normal.. I'm woried..

I hit send and just sat there thinking. I really hope 3abdalah is okay. What I saw wasn't normal I swear. Madri shfeeh!

1 New Text Message

Khaled: noum el3wafii;*.. Thats good 9ayir 6ayib shfech..la t7ateen mako ila il 3afya.. Ana as2al i5ty il 9ghera saro 7ag floos lema uboy ykon m3a8ebnii mn ma9rofyy :p.. O sa3at t9er ba5eela ma ta36eny hal niz8a:p..Yemkin met'hawesh ma3a uboch, O yabi yi6la3 ma 3nda flos..3ady Don't worry everything is gonna be alright 7ayate o if you need anything i'm here ;*

Me: Thanks;*.. Madri walla..mo 3an ina 6elab flos, khalod His eyes were all red m3a9ib o he was moving his legs..shakla m3a9ib o nervous at the same time.. I hope he's ok :/

Khaled: heeyy la tfakreen chithy gitech ana mafy shay enshala, o itha feeh shay r7 y9iir zain mako mshkela ma feha 7al.. I promise, everything is gonna be alright shoug;*

Me: Kaay:s.. Elmuhim brb bs 5al akhales my homework.. huff maths:/ I'll tty lema akhales w'ana akel my dinner k;p

Khaled: Ala y3ench.. Tyt

*sigh*
I got off my bed and went back to my desk to finish off my maths.
I diddn't finish it all. I went about half way through and left it. I diddn't feel like doing anymore maths bil qasib ga3d asaweeh. wetha I had a chance to finish it before class tomorrow i will, and if I diddn't, oh well whatever.

I went out of my room, it was dark, no one was here to open the lights of the living room. The maids were downstairs. I was getting hot because of the oodie i'm wearing:s but I kept it on just incase, espescially since I was out of my room.
I opened the lights and opened my laptop as I layed down on the couch.
I signed in msn.

Summer was online.

Summer 'Theres No Beuaty In Bleeding Mascara' says (7:50PM): heyy
Shougaa says: heyy
Shougaa says: sawaitay maths
Summer 'Theres No Beuaty In Bleeding Mascara' says: ee u?
Shougaa says: mo kela, mali khilg akamla
Shouga says: 3abdallah was acting all weird again :s
Summer 'Theres No Beuaty In Bleeding Mascara' says: Bad mood?
Shouga: eeh madri Summer he wasn't normal, not himself, something I don't know what :s
Summer 'Theres No Beuaty In Bleeding Mascara' says: huh
Shougaa says: welashay.. bs ena i'm worried. O 7ata lo kint a3arf whats wrong with him, it's not like I can do anything about it
Summer 'Theres No Beuaty In Bleeding Mascara' says: don't worry babes, i'm sure everything's gonna be fine.. O i'm here if you need me :d
Shougaa says: yea thanks

"I wish they would quit saying that chna il dnya sahalaa.. tara mo shar6! what makes them so sure?!?!" :/

Summer 'Theres No Beuaty In Bleeding Mascara' says: Guess who just came online ^^
Shougaa says: who
Summer 'Theres No Beuaty In Bleeding Mascara' says: gueesss...
Shougaa says: wa7id 7ilo mn the millions you talk about
Summer 'Theres No Beuaty In Bleeding Mascara' says: la2;/!
Summer 'Theres No Beuaty In Bleeding Mascara' says: kaa i'll show you a7sna laish a5alech you guess :p

GHaZooY~* MaHMa YGouLuN MaHMa 9aR o MaHMa TaM ;* has been added to this conversation.

wtf.. What's she doing !!??

I opened a private conv. with Summer

Shougaa says: ayshaaay
Shouga says: umbay wanasa
Shouga says: hehe :p

Summer 'Theres No Beuaty In Bleeding Mascara' says: Loool

In the other conversation..

Summer 'Theres No Beuaty In Bleeding Mascara' says: heyy

GHaZooY~* MaHMa YGuLooN MaHMa 9aR o MaHMa TaM;* says: hala ;p

Shouga says: hi

"Akeid he's like why the hell am i added here, shel salfa"

Summer says: Shlounkum:p?

GHaZooY~* says: Tamam, you ;p?!

Summer says: tamam, doum ;p

Shouga says: Zaina :p

GHaZooY~* says: Damat ayamiich ;p

Summer says: Ajma3een;p

9ar hidoo2.. and then

Summer says: Umbay Shougaa ma gitlech lema b'3ait aket il maay ib tuition elyoum :p!!!

"Trying to break the ice & silence in the conv. :p"

Shougaa says: Lool Ms. Flana;p?

Summer says: laa 3ind Flaan ;p

Shougaa says: aa ok:p

Summer says: Kint ga3da ashrab wela Flan g3ad y6afernii ygolii ana aafaa because kela lema adesh ib eedi shay ya starbucks, mc d.. aw 7eta fries mn naif;/!! hel mara maay

GHaZooY~* says: Dasha tuition wela iste8baal:p

Summer says: Kna mala8a ga3d al3ab bil b6l eb 7aljii.. chan Yousef il sa5eef kfa5a chan y6ee7 3ala the tutors papers !!

Shougaa says: umbaaay looool :p!!

Shougaa says: Shsawat?!:p

Summer says: Shouug 3a9baat :p.. tgolina huuuffff!!! w b3daaaiiin!!! da5leeen dars wela ayh?!!? ana ba2a 3ayza 6ulaaab sha6ren w msh jayeen yl3abo!! mafhooom ?!?!

Shougaa says: A7s taby ta6redkum bs mo 3arfa shloun :p

Summer says: Lol walla 9ej..kela mnna!! fashla :s

GHaZooY~* says: LoooooL!!

Summer says: bashtrelha hadiiya shay 9gher 7ag next lesson :p

Shougaa says: looool;p

9ar hidoo2 again..

Summer says: Mno shaf oprah ams?

GHaZooY~* says: 3an obama?

Summer says: Eee..

Ba3dain they started talking about Obama, Oprah and the american elections o politics theyre arguing o madri shnoo:p.. O ana thay3aa g3adt saktaa bs ga3d agraa;p..

GHaZooY~* says: Shouug tara rfeejtiich seyasiiyaaa :p!!

Shougaa says: looool :p

Summer says: anywaay i gtg

I opened the private conv. with summer again..

Shougaa says: noooo whyyy !! :(

Summer says: umy g3ad tnadeny o bat3asha.. o banam ... :/

Shougaa says: noo take your laptop with youu la t6li3een mn il conv.. aw 5alee online o gulay brb

Summer says: Fahod u5oy yabi laptopi magdar;/

Shougaa says: urrghh biitch;/

Summer says: add him yal thakiiyaa ^^

Shougaa says: laa fashlaa;/ uhwa mafruth he adds me lo yabi.. A7s no3a tikana madre shefakir lo ana age6 ro7y o I add him mn awal conv. ;/

Summer says: waaay shda3waa!! ag9aha add mafeha shay!!

Summer says: yala i gtg

Summer says: ????????@hotmail.com --> hatha his e-mail ;)

Summer says: Ciao;*

Shougaa says: bye;/!

In the other conv..

GHaZooY~* says: bye

Shougaa says: see you

Summer 'Theres No Beuaty In Bleeding Mascara' Has left the conversation. You can no longer have conversations with ????????@hotmail.com because he/she is not added on your list.
Add contact?

I wasn't gonna add him no mater how much I wanted to !! Fashla :/

I read the conversation again and again, while listening to some boys like girls music- Hero Heroine.

"Hellooo,,," said helen, dancing as she enters the living room

"....hi" I said, still staring at the screen, reading, sucked into my thoughts.

"haa... what do you waant"

"...."

"yala shoug tell me ibsor'aa.. I have work.."

"anything helen anything.." i replied quick trying to stop her from interrupiting me.

"you want chicken nuggets ?"

"spaghetti" My favourite.

"ok" she said and left.

I heard the sound of keys and the door opening downstairs, wich means it must either be mom or dad come home.
I quickly closed my laptop and put it back to where it was and went back to my room.
Mo nag9 asma3 kalaam maby asme3aa mn umyy because she would think I would've grabbed the laptop and spent my whole time on it, and never touched my books. Thats what she would think if she saw me using it when she comes home. My dad too, but my dad doesn't talk, he gives hints wich makes me know how he thinks.
I hate it, but I have to live with it.

I sat on my desk and stared at my oped maths exersize book. I decided to workout a couple of questions since I was seated at my desk.

*knock knock*

"Mnoo" I said, acting to be working hard

"anaa.." Said mom from the back of the door.

"di5lay"

"ha t3ashaitay?

"la2 ga3d tsaweelii spaghetti" I replied without looking at her, keeping my eyes and head on my desk.

"aha.. Shenu hatha? math?"

"ee.." I replied

"Shlounich ma3aah, zaina? sahil? taben mosa3ada?"

"Ee zaina, la mo mi7taja shay"

"ee zain.." she said
It was quiet.. but she still diddn't leave she was just standing there. And my head was still on my desk, as I was writing my maths.

"5alas 3ayal ma aga63ech ana"

"ok"

and she left.

By the time my dinner was done, I finished all my maths questions. I ate my dinner while my mom was sitting on the couch texting and watching tv. It was quiet as usual. I hated it, the situation between us. but i diddn't know what to do about it, I diddn't want anything because I don't know what to say. I don't have the courage to speak up, hatha 6abi3 feny, o sometimes I lack confidence. O these 2 things wayid i2athroon feny o i2athony in life but I don't know what to do about it. I was like this only when my mother flipped on me about my last report card, and I felt like a failure, and lost the courage to speak up because I feared I might say something stupid, and lacked my confidence in my abilities. But yet I'm trying this time...

After dinner, I went back to my room and sorted out my books for tomorrow and put my school bag near my door. I put my pj's on, brushed my teeth, got my ipod and my phone and went to bed.

I found a message from Khaled.

Khaled: Ha 5la9ty?

I put my headphones one and replied.

Me: Sorry walla insh'3alt.. Bs ee 5ala9t kel my maths il7emdillah, kalait dinner o now i'm in bed you?;p

We texted and talked about our day untill I was sleepy. He's never the first one to say gdnight or bye ;p

Me: Anyway ana de5t 7ady banam, tty tomorrow, nighty ;p

Khaled: K, bitwadeen your phone ma3ach bachiir?

Me: Ayeba laish la;p

Khaled: Good good;) yala gd night 7yate sweet dreams ;*






---------------------------------------------
What do you think ?! ;p

*5* You know you can't see me

I opened the door and entered my home. First stop, the kitchen! as usual hehe, everyday I come home from school i'm so hungry, thats 'cause I don't like eating in school. I put my bag on the floor near the staircase which landed with a heavy thud on the floor. Then I went to the kitchen where Marlyn and Helen were busy preparing lunch.

"Hellooo" I said as I entered

"Ha? hungry??" said Marlyn to me

"Ofcourse! very very hungry.. What's for lunch ?"

"Today is Tuesday, chinese noodles and chicken wings!" She replied.

"Mmm.. yala I want"

"Go change and the it will be ready" She told me.

I turned my back and left, picked up my heavy back pack and went up the stairs to go to my room.
I found my mother sitting on the edge of the sofa where she always sat, she was on the phone with someone, and my dad was on his lay-z-boy eating his salad and watching tv.

"Ilsalam 3alaikum" I said, as I put my back pack on the floor, wich again landed with a heavy thud on the floor, and went to kiss my parents.

I went to kiss my dad's cheeks and forehead. and then went to kiss my mothers cheek, seeing as she was on the phone.

Sometimes I wish I could save the "hello's" after i come back from school for later. I mean I come home from a long day in school, the first thing I would want to do is throw myself on the bed. But, some there are some things that aren't meant to be changed and have to be done, oh well!

"Wa3alaaikum il salaam shouugaa" Said my dad, trying to speak clearly because his mouth was full of lettuce from his salad.

"Shloun kan youmich?"

"zain il 7emdila" I replied as I made my way to my bed room.

I dragged my bag with my foot to get it into my room and then closed the door.
I threw myself on my bed with my legs still on the floor "aaaah" I thought. "i've wanted to do that ever since I got up this morning"

I stretched my arms above my head to reach for my phone which I leave on charge when I leave for school in te morning, I do bring my phone with me to school sometimes, but not always.

5 New Text Messages.

Khaled: Hii shlonich?:D how was your day ?
- da3aya
- da3aya
- da3aya
- da3aya

Hal da3ayat when will they give up? yuba I don't give a shit kel youm ared alga 5, 6 some times 10 new texts,astanes and then it turns out only one of them matters the rest are all crap :/
I replied to Khaled's text:

Me: Heyy, I'm fine you? My day was okay, vaccination day today ;p

Then I got up to get dressed. I took my jumper first,wich 'caused some static electricity to my blouse and hair. And then I took my blouse off and put it on my bed, I saw my fresh patterns on my skin as I uncovered my arms. *sigh :s* I thought. Then I rolled my eyes and pretended like I diddn't see anything and continued getting dressed.
I picked out my black leggings with one of my oversizd t-shirts and then layed back down on my bed untill lunch was ready.

1 New Text Message

Khaled: Tamam damech b5air:p douumz.. Loool akeid entay ashja3 wa7da mn il banat, o il 9bayan b3ad yemkin o rui8tay jidamhum kelihum 9a7 :p mako walla ana sa7abt 3al 7e9a9, ne9 elyoum bil masyad nel3ab koat o n9 bil 7amam :p

Me: Hehe eeeh 6ab3an 3ayal shloun :p Hahaa hathy 7alatkum kel youm:p wallah 7athkum tegdroon tgazroonha wayid a7na nroo7 feeehaa, bs hem sa3at we take the risk an get lucky:p

Khaled: Lo0o0l.. A7na b3ad enro7 feha bs negdar ni6la3 menha bsr3aa:p 59o9an ana l2ena ana khalood el 3ab8ry: a7m a7m:D lool.. eeehh ento ur school strict wayd mo shay :s

Two winters have passed snce i have met Khaled, so we've basically known each other for 2 years now and never talked on the phone or face to face. we've seen each other mn b3eed lai b3eed. and we only text and talk on msn. Thats it. But he's the best :) !

"Yala, shoooug" called my mom

"Na---" kint bagol Na3am bs ma madany akamiil

"Shouuug!!" she called again

"Na3aaam" I called back

"Ha yalaa ghadaa" She said

"enzaain" I said

Sometimes I wish she would try to stop screaming for once. Just once.

I put my feet on the floor and got up, i took a light long sleeved hoodie and put it on, put my slippers on and skipped down the stairs.

I sat down in my usual place, next to my mother, and infront of where Noor usually sits, but she takes Abdullah's place, infront of my mother, because Abdallah has probably just fallen asleep at this time of the day, hence he won't join us at the table, or any other family activity or event.

"Ha Shoug a7e6lich shourba?"

"La2."

Ya3ni I never drink soup, you still don't know that?
You know why anafis 3ala ashyaa base6a? Because she treats me like a kid. I'm 15!! And she also thinks i'm a kid too. It pisses the fuckk off me. (*Sorry about the language:s). Also, she treats me different than the way she treats my brothers and sister. Yea okay because they are older than me, the closest one to me by age is Talal who is 6 years older than me. All my brothers and sister have a one year difference between there ages starting with Abdallah the eldest. But even though! My friends parents treat them like grown adults, wich is clearly not the same way I am treated.

"Shloun il madresa elyoum Shoug?" She asked

"3ady nafs kelyoum" I said while eating my chicken wings

"Mako shay yideed?" She added to her question

"emm.. kan 3indena vaccination elyoum" I added

"Hellooo"
"Sorry t2a5aart 3alaikuum" Said Noor as she came into the dining room and kissed my parents foreheads.

"Nooor.. kela met2a5raa?!! Ya3ni al7een ma legaitay ta5theen shower ela wakt il ghada? wakt il ghada il wa7eed ely nityama3 feeh kelina il family!"

"Sorry baba hehe" She said smiling as she sat down infront of mom

"Ashoof when Noor is late for lunch you make a deal, Bs Abdallah never joins us for lunch or anything at all, infact I barely see him chena lal7een bil states, why don't you talk to him? If it was me or Noor chan yawailna. How come? tfareg bain your sons and daughters?" I thought
I was quiet like I usually was eating my meal.

My mom and Noor started talking to my mom straight away about how there day was laughing and talking throughout the meal. It's funny how with Noor she can easily start a conversation, but with me you don't. She feels more comfortable talking to Noor than me. The only conversations we have, just me and her, is about my grades and studies, every single day! oh and when I ask permission before going out.
I'm not jealous, I just wished she would talk to me like she talked to Noor and Talal and Abdallah.

"Shoug shlaawniiich :p?" Asked Noor when the table's gon quiet.

I lifted my head to the sound of my name

"I'm fine hehe, entay shlounich?" I said smiling wryly.

"tamaam tamaam"
"How's skeewwl" She asked me

"School's good good..you shloun jam3a?"

"jain jain hehe" she said

And then started a new conversation with my mom.

"il7emdilaah" Said dad as he finished his laban and put his glass down on the table.

"n3ma" He added as he pushed back his chair and carrying his plate, making his way to the kitchen.

He's very helpful for taking his own plate to the kitchen o y5afif 3ala il 5edam. Thats how dad was:). Peaceful and quiet,well, too quiet, as well.

I thought I would do the same since I have finished my meal too.
I gathered my plate, utensils and glass and got up.

"il7emdila" I said, pushing my chair back, making my way to the kitchen where I found my dad washing up in the guest sinks.

I put my plate in the kitchen and went upstairs back to my room.

"ta3alaay qaslaay !" My dad called out as I was skipping up the stairs

"aqasil foug ana ib dary a7san" I called back when I was half way up the stairs.

I reached my room and closed the door. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and then went back to my bed,laying down in the same position I was before I went down to lunch.

I stretched my arms to reach for my iPod wich I let on my bed side table, put on my head phones and scrolled down the list of songs. I chose a song and then set it on shuffle.I closed my eyes when I remebered that I was texting Khaled and I diddn't reply to his last text.

Me: Sorry re7t at'3ada w tawny 5ala9t. Hehe ya inta;p.. yea 7adha ma teswa 3alaina we risk shwaya to have some fun :s... Anyway khalood ana ta3bana 7adii banaam, akalmek la gemt k, nighty;p

I hit send button and then closed my eyes and continued listening to my iPod hoping to get a nice nap before I have to go and do some school work.
I lay there for almost 45 min. and no luck I couldn't sleep. I looked at the clock, it was 4:45. I'm gonna get up soon, 5:30 max. I told my self. I lay there anyway even though I couldn't sleep, resting my head with my eyes closed, breathing in the same sequence.

Incoming Call: Summer-o ;*
5:00 pm

"Aloo.." I said with a heavy voice, the one you get when you just wake up in the morning;p? Except I diddn't just wake up, I diddn't sleep. "woah, I must be very tierd to have such a voice after just resting" I thought.

"Holaaa bellaaa"

"Heyy"

"Nayma?

"la, kind of"

"Ok sim3ay, So I was talking to Flan and....."

She talks very fast:s and when I'm tierd honesty I don't feel like following up with what she has to say, i'll ask her about it later or something.

I put my phone on the pillow next to me while I rubbed my eyes and wiped my face. And all I hear coming from my phone is Summer: "bla bla bla bla bla... okay chan I said... a3dain tadren shno gal? Hahaha!! bla bla bla bla bla.."

I took the phone and held it next to my ear again.

"Hahahahahaha!!! fahamtaay? Hahahaha"

"haahay ee ahem shaaay " I replied, although I diddn't fully hear everything she said, I went with the flow, it was always like that 3ady t3awadna:p

"hehe umbay the7akt the7iik"
"Anyway yaya 3ind il tutor elyoum 9a7?"

"Ha.. umm laa I can't."

"Whyyyy"

"emm.. madrii.. umy thak elyoum galatle ma aro7 3ind tutors anymore l2ena she says ena 3ogb kel il floos ely ga6oha 3alay tuitions o ma yebt grades.. So ma t5aleeny aro7 7ag tutors anymore"

"Wee.. Bs it's tuition ya3nii mo 6al3een nstanes, bil 3aks it helps you get better grades! tell her walla tara tutors wayid isa3don"

"Adry, 7ag physics ma fehamt all it's crap ela lema re7t 3ind Ms.Flana, alla y3afeha.. Bs hem ma ybt feh good madri laish m3ana I understand it you know.."

"Yea.. Ask your mom.. Plus elyoum yimkin hottie Flan joins us bil group hehehe"
"faa yala try ma3a umich w tell me k?"

"Summer walla mara7 tertha o mali 5elg I talk to her 'cause bityeeb mawthoo3 wara mawthoo3 o teg3ad tsame3nii kalam I really don't need to hear right now, trust me!"

"ula, k:s.. Enzain tara try talking to her bs..mo 3an tuition 5alee eb 9oub, bs 3an the way you can't talk to her without her having to put you down"

"enzain"

"Ok?.. Menoo?.. la2... ma3arfaa.. is2al baba.. Fahad wa5er 3an babii"

I can hear her brother talking to her on the other side of the door outside her bedroom.

"Hehe.."

"Aloo.."

"Hm:p "

"Yea soo.. ana baroo7 abadiil o bamur Maryoom.. See you"

"Bye.."

I remember those tuition days last term. We used to be late for every lesson because we were gathered at starbucks or just hanging out in the car listening to music. Especially in Ramadhan when our tuition timings were late, and because in Ramadhan we could stay aout a bit later, kenna ngazerha neg3ad lai isa3a 1 in a restaurant just us girls,hanging out,eating, talking, laughing. And our excuse for our parents? The usual: "Kan fee group jedamna 6awelo 3ala ma y5al9oon so bedaina met2a5r" Hehe ;)

I diddn't want to get up. I enjoyed doing nothing, trying to think of nothing and just staring at the ceiling.

I heard my mother calling me, bit I diddn't anwer back because I was sleeping, well sort of.
She called me again, louder and louder.

I removed the covers off me and got out of bed and walked to the door thinking "huuff". Then I remembered, my hoodie. Can't leave the room without it. and opened it. I shut half of my eyes due to the bright light coming from the living room.

"Na3aam"

"Ha Shoug, Kintay ga3d tadrseen"

"No, Kint ga3d arayi7 shway.."

"Excuse me Madam, your clothes are ready" interrupted Marlyn as she hung my nothers clothes on her bedroom door.

"Inzain... taben taklen tshreben shay gabil la tbalshen?"

"umm..la walla, lal7een shab3ana mn il ghada.."

"mmhm. inzain yala shna6ra isa3a 6!"

"Yala ana mashy" interrupted again, by Dad this time.

"Waiin enshala?" said Mom

"Enshalaa mo kel sa3aa a7ad yga6ii3 o ye7tiriim wjodi o the fact ina ana ga3d akalim umy o yefhimoon ina I wanna get this over and done with asap and leave :s" I thought

"Elyoum il thalatha, dewaniyat Flan.." answered Dad

"Eeeh.. yala amant allah" replied Mom

"Faman illah" Said Dad, as he turnd around to head for the stairs.

"Ee Shoug.." She resumed

"Eeehh, fa kent tawny bagom gabel ma tnadeny" I said before she asks me.

"*tut* ma y9ir chithy nayma lai isa3a 6 al7een, b3ad shway ela 7a6een il 3asha o bitnameen.. Mita tadrseen ya3ni?!"

"kint..."

"ro7ay ro7ay bs alla m3ach"

I turned around to go back to my room, and then

"Sim3ay, ana ba6la3 b3ad shway.. 5al9ay kel wajebatich te3ashay o namay embachir sam3a?"

"Kay mom, what am I? 5? :/"

"ok"

I went to my room and opened the lights and curtains and opened my book bag to see what assignments i've got for tonight.

Maths: Ex. ?? Pg. ??
Bio: Read pages ? - ?. Test next week
Geo: Finish class work

I love it when the house is empty. It's so quiet and peacfull. O agdar a5eth ra7ti bara '3erfity 7ata :).. And ofcourse, it's a nice atmosphere for me to do my homework in.

I left my homework book open and went to the toilet to do wash up, (and do some other business :p :$) before I start working.

I always started with my maths, because it was always due in the next day. It was the subject i found most difficult and it needed patience, focus and understanding.

*Knock knock*

"Who is it?" I said without lifting my head off my notebook, knowing it was the Marlyn asking me wat i would like for dinner. Or Noor maybe coming in to borrow something for an outing.

"it's me, Shoug ba6laay" A very heavy voice answered me back from behind the door.

"huh.. who is it? 9out rayal.. o 9outa ma 3arfa, ya3ni 7ada 7ada '3areeb 3alay.. Thgeeeel 7ada..Mo 9out uboy, o tawa 6ela3 jidami,O akeid mo Abdallah, hatha wain 9outa w 3abdalah wain.. o mako '3airhum reyayeel bil bait..Mo ma3qoola Abdallah..Huh:s?!" I was thinking.

*knock knock*

"um ok?!" I said and got off my desk, threw my hoodie on and walked to the door.

*4* Call it whatever you like

Hey guys,here's the next part of the story :)
And I would like it if everyone who is reading my story leaves atleast 1 comment, mo shar6 3ala every post bs 1 comment 3ala one of the posts,7ata 3ala any post that I will post in the future after this, any one of my post 3ady;p! bs 3shan i wanna know shkethir ppl are following my story thats all ;p
Thanks & Enjoy ;*
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RRRRRRRRIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGG



I opened my eyes to the sound of the bell ringing. "Class is over? That fast..wow." i thought. I took my books from my desk and put them in my bag and left the classroom to find Mariam and Summer already waiting for me and Bee outside our classroom.



"Waaay can you guys go any slower?! The fatayer is gonna run out!" Said Mariam, walking at fast pace ahead of us.



"Ana ma ashtehy akil in school" I said.



"We wern't talking about you, just go back to sleep shugee like you were in class" said Bee



"You guys waste half of your break time just waiting in line and by the time it's your turn the fatayer had run out and you'll end up with a crappy chocolate bar or something..seriously" I said rolling my eyes.



We reached the bottom of the staircase, finally. The girls went to line up infront of the canteen while I made my way to the benches where we usually sat. I found Badreya, (another 1,not Bee.. We'll call her Badreya 2 or just Badreya, k;p?) and Yasmeen sitting on the bench.



"Hey guys.." I said as I put my heavy book bag on the bench and sat down


"Hey"

"Hii" they answered back, and then continued on to whatever they were talking about before I came.



I was too lazy to join in their conversation, so I just sat there quietly, I so wanted to go to sleep, I was too tierd after gym class, we diddn't even acctually play :/.. Anyway, gym class or not, I always got tierd when the school day comes near to and end. I still had one more lesson to go and then it was hometime.

The other girls came to join us, and they were all indulged in the conversation, I just listened but I diddn't bother join in.

Then the bell rang again indicationg that break time was over. And ofcourse, everybody pretends they diddn't hear the bell just so they could hang out for a few extra minutes until a teacher comes and tells us off to go to class. Lol, a daily every day routine for the teachers.
We headed off to class. I had biology. Huff '3al6aneen 7a6enli ya last lesson of the day on the same day I had gym class :s

Biology class is a challenge for me. I find it complicated because theres just so much to learn and i don't know where to start! I promised myself to try my very best in all my subjects this term. I made this promise at the begining of the year since September, and I di try very hard, but clearly it wasn't enough when my report card came out after the winter holidays.

I was sitting next to Yasmeen, and Lateefa and Lara were behind us. Yasmeen diddn't care about the subject because she was already taking 4 subjects in advanced ahead of us. And she says she'll work on bio next year when she takes the real exam before graduation.

Lateefa and Lara were the same, except that they are not taking any subjects in advance. They care, but just don't do anything about it or put in any effort. I used to be the same. Until the beggining of this year, where I promised myself that I don't want to bring home a bad report card anymore. I'm tierd of putting my parents down because of me. And I thought I was going to put and end to all of this after my mid terms, I thought my next report card was gonna be amazing,for a change and that I was gonna feel proud of myself as well as my parents. But, none of that happend, and I tried my ass off, I really did!

It was enough that me myself was disappointed at my results, but my mom pressured me so much. It was like she diddn't care how I felt she just wanted me to get good grade in any way. She diddn't believe that I really did try my best this time and it wasn't like all the other times before.

All the other times were the same, but it gets worse every year, because I go to a higher year group and my studies are more advanced than my previous year study levels, and hence require more work and effort. But it diddn't affect me like it did this time.This time was different. Because this time I acctually tried and studied hard. I acctually thought I did good. Great, even. But it was the total opposite and I was crushed! and my mother's words affected me more than they used to. I felt like I wasn't good enough, from the way she talked to me. It was like she'd had it with me. Ive had it with myself too. I feel very frustrated and depressed whenever I don't understand something, and then my mothers words ring in my ear
"Bint Flana sh7laailhaa trfa3 ras umhaa emsa6ratlaha il A's, mo intay! 7mdela wl shekir shfeech!!? Ga9rech mo5? 6isaay dariich 3an wayhi yala..9j mo kafo shay" Even if it was 1 word, because I felt stupid when I diddn't, and I knew I wasn't! hence i am trying to prove myself wrong. My mother has been through alot, she goes through very stressful times and she can become very very depressed. So I feel that I am the cause for her misery when I add to it, because when she gets mad at me, there doesn't have to be a reason for her to.. She just stats shouting at me for no real reason, or any reason at all. Which makes me feel like I am the 'cause for her misery, i'm sorryyy:s

And for those reason, I dreaded coming home everyday after school. I felt like everytime I came in the door, my parents were not happy to see me. Like they wern't proud of me. Like I wasn't what they expected me to be. I wasn't good enough for them even when I tried my best. Especially my mother, she was so not proud of me, and she diddn't talk to me properly. She was either harsh and loud with me, or she just put her head down and just diddn't look at me, and talk to my brothers and sister normally.

Did I mention I was the youngest of 4?well 5, but my eldest sister died when I was 5.Wich makes my brother Abdallah, the eldest. He studied in the states and he used to be in the same school as me, straight A student, mashala :/ He got accepted in Harvard, but he chose to go to another state. In university he wasn't as good as he was in school, but he stil managed to keep agood GPA. I think he is very good looking, and he has alot of girl fans, I should know:p My dad is trying to put up with him because he graduated last year and he is still not working. He sleeps during the day and stays up all night, and he is so messy and so careless, kind of like me, wich also puts my dad off. That after all these years in the states he still can't fully depend on himself. He can get selfish and rude when his mood isin't ok. And for that reason I'm always scared to talk to him or be around him by myself,wich is sad i know,but because I am a very sensitive person and if it was one of those days when he's in a bad mood and I do just the slightest thing you can think of, it can piss him off and he'd blow on me, so i try my best to avoid that. But when he's fine, he's really great company, i love it when I'm around him and he's in a good mood. He's working on his anger management and hopefully he will get better.

Then comes my sister, Noor. She's the kindest and most patient person I know, like my dad. She helps out so much around the house. She's like the family therapist. She's in her last year of university in our home country. Theres a 7 year difference between me and her. We don't share alot of secrets. She's like a mother to me, she takes care of me alot wether my mom is or isin't around.

Then my brother, Talal. He's studying in the states now. I've talked about him in the previous post a bit. He treats me different than he treats eveyrone else. Because i'm his little sister, and he likes to show me that he knows everything, and always tries to tells me what to do and looks out for me. Wich is nice of him that he cares, but sometimes he over does it and it annoys me, very much. He diddn't do well in highschool and all his friends went to the states to study. and he was dying to go too. He asked my dad day after day that he promises to try his best there and get a scholarship if he pays for him to go to one of the most expensive private university in the states in a states full of celbs. I mean wth who could 'study' in a place like that. And guess what? my dad said ok. And now ever since he went to the states, we don't keep in touch alot. I ask about him to my dad every once in a while, and thats it.

The bell rang and it was 2:15. The school day was over. I gathered my books and made my way with Yasmeen to the playground to meet our friends. We stayed and chatted like we did everyday after school, and then made our way to the gate where we would continue our conversation until there were less cars and it was less crowded with traffic jam near our school so that we can easily head home in our cars.

I found my iPod in the cup holder in the car. I played a couple of songs from the Plain whit T's and Paramore until I got home. My mom's car was here, so was my dad's and my sisters' and brothers', although Abdullah is sure to still be still sleeping. My sister finishes her classes early, and my dad is the manager of a company and he can do his work at home sometimes but he prefers to go instead. My mother owns a shop, and doesn't have a certain time when she comes home. She is either late like around 5 or 6. Or at her normal time around 2:30 3, the same time I come home in.

I unplugged my iPod from the iTrip and opened the car door and got down. I took my back pack on my shoulders and made my way to the front door of my home.

I put my hand on the door handle to open the door and thought "Enshalaa this is one of those days when it's not so bad in there";/ ..

Ice cream bo biscuit in public is a No No

Break Shway mn my story o 5an golikum salfa:p

So kint ga3d amshy ma3a umy o her friend tonight ib shari3 kela shops w chithy.. Maraina ma7al ice cream..

"Abii ice creaam" gelt 7ag umy

"tabeen ice cream?"
"Hach" she said o 3a6atny floos

kint meshtahya ice cream ely mn el makeena 3raftoo?:p 3ad ana ma a7ib akil il ice cream ma3a il biscuit cone in public because madry..a7is i look slytty lema akla:p bs gelt msafreen so madry 6af:p
gelt 7ag il rayal abi chocolate o vanilla mix.. 3a6aneya, dfa3t o meshaina.. wela enmur 9oub guys 5alejyeen.. wela asma3 wa7id ygool :

"Shabab gulaw enshalaa.." one of the guys said

"enshalaah" the shabab replied

"A9iir ice creaam" he said

ana ma sima3t a5er shay, o i thought kan ga3d yesolif ma3a his friends anyway.. bs sima3t enshalah b3dain madre shgal..

"enshalaah shenu?" se2alt umyy

"a9iir ice cream!" she said laughing

Chan ath7ak.. Wela astaw3eb.. Wai3 malat 3alaayyh:s

"shgal?" said my moms friend smiling knowing it was something funny..

"enshala a9ir ice cream" repeated my mom

"Weeeh hahaha allaah yl3enaaa" said my moms friend

Chan they both laugh.

O ana wayhi O_o.

Looooooool now you know why ma a7ib akel ice cream bo biscuit in public :p

A7s 7ada ma 3endi salfa bs I just felt like posting this :p

O hatha maw8efi of the day, Thank you for reading & Good niight ;*!

*3* Fooling around [a very long flash-back]

Okay this is a VERY long flash back. Sa3at I tend to write wayed things malha da3ii, Bs ina I wanna write down every single memory I remember, because.. Well I don't know why bs it makes me feel better when I do because fe ashya ma7ad e3arifha 3anny o lema aktebha I feel better o less bad about myself when people know about it 3shan I took it off my chest.. Bs itha malkum 5elg you read all of this 3ady, Katba a list of points at the end of the post ta7at that are important, o main events ya3ni you should know 3shan to continue with the story.


I hope you like it, 7adi t3abt 3alaiha.. O itha fe shay agdar asaweeh a7san please tell me:)


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When I was 12 years old,
Mansoor and Azeez



I was in an all girls public school, I transferred to a private co-ed school when I was 12 years old. It was my first time in a co-ed school, and I thought that talking to boys on msn and on the phone was trashy, even though all the girls in my year group thought it was fine. I thought that they were all of low standards. That was what I was taught by my mother.

There was a boy in our year group called Mansoor, and a couple of girls have come up to me several times and tell me that he had a thing for me.

I have never had a guy have a thing for me before so i did not know how to react when i was told this, I did basically nothing. I smiled and shrugged my shoulders everytime somebody tells me something about him.

The truth was I was jealous. I wanted him. But I was too afraid to let him talk to me or anything.

One day, after a tiering hot school day, I came back from school took a cold shower and had lunch with my family. Then i signed in msn.

?????????????@yahoo.com has added you to his/her list. Accept? Block?

Hm, accept? Yes.

I thought it must be somebody from my new school, a girl or a boy. and it also could be Mansoor, is it was, I was curious to know what he has got to tell me.

He/She/it? was online.

?????: Hey

?????: Shoug?

Me: Yea, who' this?

?????: It's Mansoor, I hope you don't mind me adding you just like that..

What do I do?!?! I was freaking out! I kept typing then erasing what I wanted to say. I couldn't find something inteligent to start off with. Shoud I leave him on my list? No, i'm afraid it may lead to further things.. Block him? No he might think i'm a freak. So what did I do? This:

Me: Who gave you my e-mail?

Mansoor: Lateefa, but please don't block me I just want to be friends

Me: Sorry bs mo no3i akalim boys on msn

Mansoor: waiit

Me: bye

I'm friendly to guys at school, i diddn't mnd talking to them in school, but I just thought it was wrong to talk to them anywhere outside of school.

Shaikha was my best friend, she used to be in the same public school as me and transferred to this private co-ed one a year before me. Shaikha was going through the same thing as me, she had her very own guy fan who was crushing on her, Tareq, since she got into the school as well. She diddn't give him a chance, and thought it was cool to have someone's attention everywhere you go in school. Thats what I thought too about Mansoor.

I told Shaikha what happend the other night with Mansoor.

"Ayshayy" was Shaikha's reaction

"I know right? Ya3ni who does she think she is to go and give my e-mail to anyone who asks for it! T7asib eldenya foutha?..Where is she? I wanna talk to her.." I said quickly.

"Woah calm down.. But you do have a point.."

"She usually site over there" said Shaikha poiniting to one end of the playground.

"Lets go"

Lateefa was standing with a group of her friends, girls and boys.

"Hey Lateefa, umm..naby akalmich eb mawthoo3 dgeega.." Said Shaikha as soon as we reached theyr group.

"Hi..sure.." She turned back to give one of the boys a smile and left to come with us.

"Lateefa, did you give Mansoor my e-mail ?!" I asked with 1 eyebrow raised, looking at her.

She looked scared, probably from the way I was looking at her, but she quickly said:

"Umm, ee.. gal he just wanted to be friends so I thought it was fine"

"And who do you think you are to decide yoursefl whether it's fine with me or not?" I exclaimed.

"I-I diddn't think you'd mind and make a big deal out of it..I thought it was okay!" She explained.

"Ya3ni the whole school knows he's into me, including you.. O you go ahead and give it to him t7asbeen msawya 5air ya3ni you wanna get us together.."

I folded my arms and rolled my eyes, then stared at her, a bitchy stare. Emnafsa 7ad ummy...

Then the bell rang, break was over, Shaikha and I turned our backs and left. I can't remember what we had next.

I thought it was kind of fun 'cause the fight felt so real, and yet so short,..I had the right to be bitchy haha wich I don't get many chances to..Hehe 3esh el dor :p

As the year went by, things wern't awkard between me and Latifa. It's how it is when your young, Forgive and forget. No matter how big a fight is between two people, it's not like when your older and act bitchy towards each other and make a huge deal over something so small and find it hard to get over the past.

Everytime I sign in msn, there was this thing our year group did. Each person aded every single person from the same year group in one conversation, and they talked online for hours. We were so tight together, every single one of us. But I never stayed in these conversations, because they were guys in it.

I was too ashamed to tell Shaikha that I wanted Mansoor, I diddn't know what she would think of me, until..

By second term..

"So, Tareq talked to me last night.." said Shaikha.

"Really? How? Where?" I asked.

"Msn" She said

"Oh, you have him on your list?" I asked

"Well, I was added to one of those big conversations, and he was there and he saw that he was blocked so ya3ni fashlaa, fa sawaita unblock." She said.

"Oh ok" I said

As Shaikha tells me what Tareq tells her, it souded so exciting, and they wern't even together yet! So that means it gets better when they get together right?

I mean,

'One should live messy every once in a while to feel more alive'

right?

Everyone's doing it, why not I? I mean whhere's the fun part in doing everything right...Thats it! I am bored of everything and I want to try something new, even though it's wrong I don't care, I wanna ive a lil bit.

So one day when I was added to those bog conversations, I stayed. It's funny how they never gave up on adding me even though I left everytime they did. I did exactly what Shaikha did. Mansoor was in the conversation as expected, and I thought it was rude for him to see that he was blocked while I allowed the other guys in the conversation to talk to me. So I unblocked him.

He talked to me in provate as soon as he saw that he was unblocked.

Mansoor: It's about time:p

Me: Lol:$

Mansoor: Are you shy ?

Me: Not

Mansoor: Then why did you put the :$ shy face ha :p?

Me: I always put that, it doesn't have to mean that i'm shy(a)

Mansoor: Riight...

As you can see, it was kid talk, but we were only 12 years old so neither of us have had any experience, especially me since i came from an all girls public school, this was so new to me, and i liked it.

We talked every single day on msn, but not in school. He just stares alot in school, wich made my cheeks go bright red.

Spring break came, Shaikha travelled with her family. I stayed online the whole holiday, just talking to Mansoor.

One day my classmate Bibi was online. There were initials in her nickname and kisses after it, i assumed it was a guy.

Me: What do the intials stand for in your nick;)?

Bibi: Hehe, guess..

Me: Shdarani, you tell me :p

Bibi: Lol, Fahodi Al-******

Me: Oh:p Since when were you guys together and how?;)

Bibi: Lol, ok so it was my younger brother Khaled's birthday and he had a party in our house in the basement, and Fahads brother is Khaled's friend and he was invited. I was hanging out in the party, until i see him coming in, i was like what the hell is he doing here?..turns out he was dropping Khaled off, i was like okay why did he have to come you know, but whatever i diddn't mind..Then he came and sat in the chair next to me, since the basement was filled with 8 year old boys..


Bibi: We were talking then he asked me if he wanted to have a walk outside to ge out of all the noise and away from the kids.. we were walking on the side walk near our house and talking..then he asked me if i wanted to be his girl.. and i said yes :)

Me: cool

Bibi: Hehe yea, i really like him :D

I thought that Bibi was so lucky for having what she has now. She was so comfortable around guys, unlike me. Not about Fahad, but I mean having a guy dropping his little brother in a basement full of kids and then come sit next to her, and then walking on a sidewalk at night and then he asks her to be his girl..I wish that could happen to me i thought.

May was coming up and April was coming to and end. Wich means the end of year exams are coming near.


Azeez was known as the flirt out of the whole year group. He would go and tell ever girl that he loved her and that he wanted her, and then she would be surprised that he told her friend the same thing.


One day he added me on msn, i accepted as he was only my classmate who flirts alot not just with me but with all the girls. He was also the class clown.

He told me that he liked me for a long time, and asked me to be his girlfriend.


He was the first guy ever to ask me that and i was shocked! and freaked out at he same time:p but i diddn't want to sound weird and excited so i acted cool, and said yes. I wanted to, i wanted to know what it was like. Even though I knew he might turn out to be a player and bla bla bla, I wouldn't be shocked anyways, or hurt.


He started to talk sweet to me until we had to sign off and go to bed for the next school day.


"Guess who i saw on TV yesterday" He whispered to me


I turned around slightly and said "who?"

"Ms.Simpson in the simpsons!"

Our teacher's name was Ms.Simpson. The joke was supposed to be funny.

I smiled slightly "Hehe.."


Mansoor diddn't know i was with Azeez, he would be crushed if he knew. He still talked sweet to me, even though we wern't together.


One day on msn, me and Azeez were talking. I remember he was showing off to me that he talks to all these guys older than us in higher year groups, and how he has all the "hot" girls on his msn.

*FYI: She's not hot, she's just too easy to get for the guys.


Her name was Nora, and she was one year older than us.

He added her to our conversation and i can't remember what he was saying to her, but i knew his point was to show off.

When she left the conversations, he started talking to me again.

Azeez: So you wanna go out sometime?

Me: What the hell, are you serious?!! Hell no!! Who do you think i am to just go out with you like that!!

Azeez: Ok ok i'm sorry!

I was a freak, I know.
Besides,I wasn't comfortable with him, so I decided this is my chance to end it. So i did.

We diddn't last a week, just five days.

We still talked on msn and school, nothing was awkard between us, after all it was Azeez.

Mansoor kept telling me how much he liked me and all ever since i unblocked him, he was sweet.

I remember one school night on msn, we were in one of thos big conversations and we were playing truth and dare. Me, Lara (Latifa's best friend), Mansoor, and Mansoor's friend; Razzag.

Razzag's nickname was Bo RzayGa~*..and an arabic quote i can't remember what.

Latra's nick name was RoRo;** To0 yOuNg FoR bOyS..tOo OlD FoR tOyS;) LooL!!

Lara: Okay it's my turn!! :D

Lara: I wanna ask.. hmmm... Mansoor:p

Lara: T or D?

Mansoor: Hmm.. T..

Lara: Hmm, ok you asked for it.. You swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth?!?!8-)

Mansoor: That's the point of the game;/.. And whatever is said here, stays here k?

Lara: 'course;)

Lara: Okay, so tell me, who's the girl you love right now?^^

Mansoor: ughhh :s

Lara: You asked for it:p

It took him a while to answer, while i was thinking of how to react and what to say,cause i know he will say it's me infront of them all.

He finally replied:

Mansoor: Shoug..



Lara: Oooohh^^


Lara: Shoug d'you hear that? He likes you! ^^

Me: I can read you know


Lara: Okk so who's turn is it now?.. and where did Razzag go?! :s


Razzag: am heeeeeereeee :D


I know, it was cheesy.. But thats how it was back then, we were all inexperienced, what did we know ?! :p

I just loved having "my own guy fan" as Shaikha would say,i was obssesed with the fact that i had one, i thought of him alot.

It was a Thursday evening and i was online talking to Mansoor, and then..

Mansoor: Shoug..

Me: yup


Mansoor: can i ask you something?


I knew what he's gonna say. He's gonna ask me to be his girl! Oh my god what should i do? what should i do? I did not prepare for this day!

I acted cool like i diddn't know what was coming up.


Me: sure..

I wanted to say yes, but i did not want to sound too easy. I did not want to say no and lose him at the same time. What do i do?!?!

He kept writing, then erasing. Then he said:

Mansoor: you know i like you, alot..right?


Me: umm.. yea...

Mansoor: Would you be my girlfriend?

My heart was beating so fast. I was waiting for this moment and now that it has come i'm dreading it. I was scared, this is all so new to me.


i said yes. I mean why not give it a try? We exchanged phone numbers and then i had to go eat lunch.

In the last two months of school, all our year group made a huge circle in the middle of the playground every single break time and play this game we used to call "Ay". Everyone in the circle had to place his/her hands in the palm of the person next to him/her and hit the person next to him/her so hard but the person being hit is not allowed to say "ay" or "ouch" or anything, and hit the next person.

Me and Mansoor diddn't talk on the phone at all, we texted and talked on msn, but because we spent almost all of our time when were at home, we only texted when were out, and obviously we never went out, although i wished we would.


One night on msn,

Mansoor: Tomorrow when we play ay, i wanna be the one next to you and hold your hand, k?

I was nervous at the thought of it,

Me: Lol, kay:p


i decided to say ok and go with the flow.

I'm the type of person who LOVES trying and experiencing new things, I just love it.

Mansoor: I love you (k)

I usually took a while to reply to this, writing and then erasing. I just did not know what I was exactly supposed to say to this, I always said:

Me: :$

Mansoor: Why don't you say it? :p

Me: ehehe, i don't know..

Mansoor: It's ok, but your gonna have to say it sooner or later, you know that right :p ?

Me: hehe, maybe :p!

The next morning..

The same every morning school day routine untill my last day of school in my life.

"Shouug come on wake up it's time for school" Said Marlyn after knocking and entering my room.

I ignored and continued sleeping.


She started to sing along to my name


"Come on shouuug..it's time for schooool" she sang a song she randomly made up wich happens to change it's tune every morning.


I ignored her existence, untill..


"come on Shoug! and then your mama will get angry!" she said in a serious tone


"Okaaay okay i'm up" i said lifting my head of the pillow with my eyes still closed and my messy hair over my face.


"Good" said Marlyn looking at me with a smile on her face, and she left the room.


I walked to the bathroom with my eyes still closed and washed my face. Then i turned the radio on, and got dressed to my school uniform.


I went to the mirror to fix my hair. I spent more time infront of the mirror each morning ever since i started talking to Mansoor, and even more time now that he's my boyfriend.


I went down to have breakfast with my brother, Talal. He's older than me and this is his last school year,he's graduating. He's in a different school than me.


Then my mom kanat ga3d t6el mn foug chan tshofny.

"Shoug rib6ay sha3riich 7ag il madrisaa"

"Mama ma7iib" I said, hoping to put an end to this.

"Sim3ay il kalam o ro7ay" She said in a very serious angry tone.

"yumaaa ma 7iiib ma artaa7 te3awadt chethy 5ala9" I said, o imbayin mn 9outi ena feny bachya.

"Sim3ay il kalam o rou7ay." She said in a stern voice.

"Hathi shakil 6aleba ray7a el madrisa? O ba3dain sha3rich y7et!" She said in a very irratated tone.

Huuffff i hate the way she talks to me. It's like ana m2athyat'haa 7aiiil o ana il sebab laish she's m3a9ba w 7alat'ha 7ala. Thats how she makes me feel. Fe a7ad y9arekh mn il9eb7?! We've had this routine a couple of times before. Ya3ni shay mala da3ii kaifyy!! Lal7een t7erni hel salfa. I just hate hate hate hate il 6areeqa ely tkalemny feha. huufff.

So I went upstairs and tied my hair up, to satisfy her. Although I was gonna take it off as soon as I drop my brother off.

As I was walking up to my room, stomping on the stairs. 7ad umy mnafsa o m3a9ba 3laiha.. Hufff!!

"Oo ba3dain shal dla8 ely labseta?! Fe dla8 hel ge9r?!! ru7ay ru7ay '3ayree bss"

I ignored her.

I was wearing il socks the short ones, the sport ones cause thats what we wear! Ya3ni balbis long socks nafs pippi long stockings?!?! Ya3ni eb ayamkum yemkin thats what you used to wear, al7en ta'3ayerat il ashyaa! w after all its just socks 5aleenyyy!! hufff!! Walla no matter what I do, Ma ya3jebha. No matter what.

I tied my hair up in a loose pony tail so that I can easily put it down again after I drop my brother off. I went downstairs and went to the car where my brother was, we always dropped him first cause his school begins before mine. He spent most of his pocket money on this car,to "pimp" it up. He's longed for my dad to get it for him, even though he diddn't have his drivers license yet, the driver drove it and his plan was to use it as soon as he gets his license.

"Shoug tara umy bs tsawy chithy 3shan t7ebch o she cares about you, o knows whats best for you.." Said Talal, when he saw how pissed I was in the car

"mm hm.." I said,

Talal has a very wide variety of taste in music. Like one month he listens to very very old and very slow arabic music-->Om Kalthoom. The next day he's listening to parts from the quran, then he switches to techno music.

This morning he's listening to the very slow and old arabic music--> Om Kalthoom, just my luck.

It's very crowded near his school. As usual lazim nougaf 3end il baqala yam his school yeshtiry 3ilch.

"Look, this is a booklet assignment our english teacher told us to write, it's due today. it's about my experiences in highschool, since were graduating. Take a look and tell me what you think" said Talal.

I took the booklet and flicked through it and read small parts of each page, since i diddn't have time to read all of it.

He included lots of stuff that i would love to experience some day before i graduate, or just some day.

There was this page titled "Falling in love"

(Ooooh thats ought to be interesting i thought :p)

He wrote about how he really liked this girl at school once but she was with someone else who was his friend. Then the summer holidays came up and his feeling for her grew even more over the summer holidays he was practically head over heels for her. September came along and school was back, there was a party some one was holding some weekend, it was mixed. He knew that the girl had broken up with her guy a few weeks ago or over the summer, i can't remember. So he thought this was his chance to ask her out, for the party, and she said yes! He mentioned that he was very very happy at that moment.

So he went back home to get dressed in his best outfit, he got the car keys while my dad was asleep, baag el sayara ya3ni:p and took the car and picked her up from her place and went to the restaurant where the party was held. Thy hung out in the party, and when it was geting late, he drove as fast as he could to the girls place to drop her off, and then went back home safely.

Shloun ubooy ma chakaaa lema gaam mn el noum ma adrii o aby a3arf:p

I still have no idea how he got away with it, but it seemed like a great day for him he would never forget, good for him.

Now you see those type of adventures? that was what i was craving and looking for, in everything i do.

The rest of the booklet was about how much he appreciated my parents for everything, and other adventures with his friends and family bla bla bla.

I handed him back the booklet before he got down from the car.





The first thing I did when he got down was changed the music.. My god it's soo depressing to listen to this in the morning!! I liked my brothers techno CD's so i put one in and listened to it.

Allaaah my favourite song!!

Andain- Beuatiful things.



Hal song u5oy kan thabi7na feha at'thakar mara on a Wednesday night marnii ana o Shaikha mn our friends house,o uhwa kan ma3a rfejaa..



Kena tawna radeen mn soug sharg, ray7een movie "are we there yet" O then re7na our friends house o we hung out by the pool.



JUST LOSE IT AAAAAH GO CRAZYY AAAAH NOW I'M GONNA MAKE YOU DANCE YEA IT'S MY CHAN GO GIRL SHAKE THAT ASS LOOKS AT ME GIRL, GIRL GIRL GIRL NOW YOU KNOW YOUR MY WORLD!!! (8)



Incoming Call: Talal



that was my ring tone wakt'ha malat eminem:p halaga adry bs me and my friends were crazy about that song:p

me and Shaikha mara kinna nabii we take part in the school's talent show, o 7adna mishta6een kinna! I used to practice bil bait bro7y O a6la3 ib new moves o aware Shaikha the next day..o we chose that song.. O sawina a dance... Alla la ywareekum.

Lebasna i3bey o started dancing. O lema y9arikh "AAAAH" in7e6 our hands oun our heads and start running around. O fe pat narkiith wara ba3dain 6al3een feha 7araka ya3nii o we slide accross stage with one leg jidamna..with the 3abaya:p Ya3ni mn ygol we made a fool out of ourselves.. And I thank god they diddn't let us go any further than the auditions:p.. o 7eta bil auditions, Bs Razzag was there ma3a a friend from a higher year group ga3deen y6al3ona.. O at'thakar ina i couldn't even practice 3adil because kint 7adi 7adi 7adi 7adi 7a9ranaaaa ely itha i moved 5alaaaa9.. O Shaikho is like come on la7ga 3al bathroom agolaha I caaaaaan't!!! So yea kmalat bl auditions:p



Anyway!! Incoming call: Talal



"Aloo.."



"Ha Shoug yala ana bara" Talal informed me.



"Okay ka al7en ayiy. Bs Talal tara binwa9il my friend b3ad ok? Bait'hum bil Surra.." I told him



"Waiih.. ok ok ta3aly bs" he said.



Ashkara ge6a3ta mn shay 3shan eyi ya5ethnii o msta3yel erid :/

We said goodbye and went to the car, I opened the door wel rfeeja kan ga3ed.



"Entay gi3day yamma ana maby, fashla!" Shaikha said, giggling.



"Kay, shda3wa." I said and went into the car.



On the way to Surra, it was quiet. His friend seemed very shy.



"9waile7 isma3 hal tune, 3ajeeba" Said Talal to his friend.



And he put in a CD he made, and skipped to track 17.

Andain- Beuatifull things.



I liked the tune, ma3a the starry night that night, it was great. I loved that song ever since:p



Anwaaay!! back to the story! :p

I started thinking about today, then I remembered--> Shiit!! today i'm gonna hold Mansoor's hand!!.. Well maybe, But thats what he said yesterday !





Wayhi gelab from peacfull sar7ana bara il dresha to mi5tar3a :p





Shasawii shasawii what if be9iir 9ej shasawiii.. oh shit i'm freaking out.





We9alna school, nezalt mn il sayara o sta7ait agol 7ag ay a7ad ena were planning to hold hands, well he planned to hold hands, o I was nervous untill first break came and I saw 'the big circle of "ay" ' in the middle of the playground. Wegaft ib mukanii ga3d a5ez il circle..



O_o.. Uh Oh. I thought

"Ha, Shfeech".. said Shaikha with a smile on her face because I randomly just stood still.

"Ha..umm..la wela shay" I said, while I was freaking freaking out inside.

"Umm.. Imshay 5a nroo7 nil3ab".. I tried to say with confidence.

We walked to the circle. I tried my best to look confident with my head up high with a smile on my face, pretending I forgot what Mansoor said and that I just came to play and have fun :D

We joined the circle, I was holding Shaikha's hand with on hand, and on my other side was some guy, I forgot who.

When we started, I was too into the game I forgot about Mansoor. Untill I felt the guy next to me letting go of my hand, I looked to the side and I see Mansoor joining the circle.

;o !!!! omg omg omg... fashlaaaaaa shasaweeee

I felt his hand holding mine.. I diddn't hold his my hands were still open, bs ehwa masekni o ana lal7een edi maftoo7a

wayhi 9ar a7maaar o embayiin ena 7adii msta7yaa o ena i'm freaking out mn da5iil.

He was smiling too, shakla kan mst7ey b3ad :p

I was looking the other side, kelish ma agdar a6al3aa la la laa...

Wela I see Summer ga3d t6ale3ni from the other sid of the circle wiggling her eyebrows at me.. wayhii ygol "wtf!!" wela i lipsed her "faaashlaaa".. Chan teth7ak 3lay :p Bs the other people in the circle thought it was cute lol.

Then I heard him saying: "La t5afeen mara7 a3awriich" with a smile on his face.

Ashkara masik tha7keta 3alay, bs i don't care right now, way fashla:p

I looked at the floor jidamii o just smiled, magdar a6al3a:p

His turn came,and he just rubbed my hand.. (omg *sigh* awwww) i thought.

Thats it, I like him !!..jsut because

His touch had a major affect on me, I loved it, I loved the way he made me feel.

*Please remember, I was only 12 years old, and kel hatha ely sawaita..well, le3ib a6fal.. Ashkara. Kent yahil, 12 years old.. What do you expect?!.. Bss this is all a flash back, the good parts are yet to come when I become 15 and 16 years old wich is when my story began in the Falling in love chapter, Trust me ;)

We diddn't play for a long time, the bell rang a few minutes later.. The moment was so amzing, and yet so short :(

I was happy and excited afterwards on the way to class, like I was high on loooove :p

---------------hufff ta3aaabt.. Ra7 akamla kel ma I have the chance to l2ena it's too long-----------

B5te9aaaar!!! 'cause fe wayd ashyaa malha da3yy kelsih o you don't have to know 3shan tefhimoon il story.. Bs these are the points you have to know.. I just wrote kel ely foug 'cause methil ma gelt, it made things clearer to me. Bs kaa here are a list of main points to know a bit about my history:p

*I was in an all girls public school, where I met Shaikha, my best friend back then.

*Shaikha left to a co-ed public school before me, I left to the same school afterwards and found her there by coinsidence.

*There was a guy called Mansoor who had a thing for me, o ma3a6aita wayyh 'cause I was too tikana, but I secretely wanted him but I was scared.

*There was a guy called Azeez, who was known as "the flirt" and "the player". And I knew that, but he was the first guy to ask me to be his gf, and I said yes. And broke up after 5 days:p

*Later on in the year, after talking for a long time me and Mansoor became boyfriend girlfirend..

*My brother Talal found out ena 3endi sewaliif boys because shaaf a conversation on msn saved on my desktop

*My cousins(girls) found out about Mansoor

*A month later we broke up.

*During the summer holiday, I went to Summer's chalet and we clicked just like that eb youm w laila, o we became best friends until today :p

*Shaikha gamat tshof nafis'ha 3alay o she never calls or anything, I was the one who always calls to make plans to see each other.. so I stopped botthering :s

*During the winter holidays, I met a guy on msn called Khaled (I was 13, he was 14), he was 3gaidy awal shay o 7anna. We just talked online untill i gave him my number and we just texted. He called katha mara bs i diddn't answer. I told him my name is Ghalya, because well I diddn't knew who he was so i just gave him any name:s We texted more and more everyday, he liked me o kan yabeny..bs I diddn't feel the saem way.. Even though back when I was 12 that diddn't matter:p.. But makan ley 5elg la le3ib a6fal, wela serious stuff, wel shay bela ma3na. Our relationship grew more and more untill we became so close we told each other everything.. All this just by texting and msn. He was and still is my best guy friend, and I felt comfortable telling him anything, he was trustable and he gave me the support I needed :).. What about my name?..That is yet to come in the upcoming posts

Thats a brief history about me, so that we can carry on from where we started :D